Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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