I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
