There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I believe in your delicious
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?