So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
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The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.