Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.