i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated