where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.