he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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