community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
