I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
whose ass print is on the piano?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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