Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
