Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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