you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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