the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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