I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
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