I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
