sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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