It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
