saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
