The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
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No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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