we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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