What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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