wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There r osticjed everywhere
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
