I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
