watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
