So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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