speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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