I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
