Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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