saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
