Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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