this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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