i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
