Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
