those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
