Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
