I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
