I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Hippo gnu deer
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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