When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
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It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry