I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
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The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
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I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.