i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
