my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.