So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams