He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.