so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks