I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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