I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
