Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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