My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
