ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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