doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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