Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
