I can text with my tongue
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize