1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
