seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The Olympian is in my bed
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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