you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
