i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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