she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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