Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
