I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
