there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
