just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
