just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
