I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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