I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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