dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize