I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
