I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
